


reverse

by tchihara



Category: ATEEZ (Band), K-pop
Genre: Established Relationship, Forgive Me, M/M, lapslock, this is rly short and sad and not beta read sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 14:02:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21100652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tchihara/pseuds/tchihara
Summary: wooyoung understands. he understands, today, why the sky weeps.





	reverse

it’s a rainy, rainy day in april.

the sky’s been gray and bleak all day, clouds stretching on as far as the eye can see. the downpour has gone on since before dawn and is said to continue long, long after dusk. it feels as though it’ll never stop.

wooyoung gazes out through the car’s windshield at the lake, the droplets of water on the glass obscuring and blurring his view. he sees, even through it, the thousands upon thousands of miniature waves created across the surface of the water as it pours.

it’s an awful lot like people, he thinks. all those separate teardrops falling down right next to each other, landing close enough to touch, close enough to crash and join and weather each other away until eventually there’s nothing left of any of them. until eventually, it’s been forgotten that they were even there in the first place.

he’s pulled his car right up next to the shore, stopped on the muddy dirt and engine silenced. it’s quiet except for the pattering of rain on the roof of his car and the rumble of thunder in the distance. he sits, the rain falls, and his thoughts spiral, spiral, spiral.

he wishes he could go back. god, he wishes he could go back.

because wooyoung understands. he understands, today, why the sky weeps.

“hey, what’s up?” he hears asked from beside him. “you seem sad.” san takes a sip of hot chocolate from the cup the two of them had gotten just before driving out here. his mouth frowns adorably around the rim of it, and wooyoung’s heart does a little thing an awful lot like a  _ whoosh _ .

“oh, it’s nothing, sorry. just got caught up in my head a bit,” wooyoung responds. his eyes crinkle as he smiles back, content and happiness washing out anything he was feeling in the seconds before san spoke.

“good,” san says as he places his cardboard cup of sweetness on the dashboard. he grabs the other cup from wooyoung’s hands, too, placing it beside his own. “because i really, really want to make out with you right now.”

wooyoung laughs, watching as san clambers out of the passenger seat and over the center console. he clumsily scrabbles around, hunched to avoid smashing his head against the roof of the car, until he finally manages to situate themselves around each other. he’s straddling wooyoung’s lap, hands braced on his relaxed shoulders, shuffling so that he comfortably kneels on either side of wooyoung’s thighs.

san flicks his red-black hair out of his face with a quick jerk of his head, eyes folding up into crescents as he proudly leans forward into wooyoung’s space. wooyoung laughs again, quietly.

“we do this all the time, san. you really still haven’t figured out a way to both quickly get over here and do it, you know, sexily?”

san pouts, smacking wooyoung’s chest with his hand. “you try it then, smartass,” he bites back, exaggerated frown firmly in place. “do better than me and i’ll give you a kiss.”

“you’d give me one anyways, though,” wooyoung snipes back, smiling and cocky and playful. san hits him again, offended, but his scowl morphs into a smirk just a moment later.

“hmm, maybe,” san responds, voice suddenly much more sensual than the mood calls for. his hand, still lingering on wooyoung’s chest, begins to drag downwards. “or,” he continues, eyes sparkling, “i could do this.”

wooyoung yelps as the seat flings itself backwards, reaching for san’s hips to steady himself as he’s suddenly horizontal and lying flat on his back. san’s hands are braced on the back seat just shy of where the top of the driver’s seat has come to a harsh stop, secure, unmoving as they settle in place after a few last jerky bounces. wooyoung’s heart races, loud thumps echoing through his veins, and his hands grip bruises on san’s waist.

all the mischief clears from san’s face as he laughs at wooyoung’s expression. wooyoung scowls back at him, embarrassed, and this time, it’s san who gets hit in the chest. but they’re both laughing as wooyoung does it, and all he can feel is happy.

”you’re the worst,” wooyoung mutters, cheeks dusted a faint pink. but as san’s eyes positively shine with joy, wooyoung knows he doesn't mean it in the slightest.

san giggles at him, and wooyoung physically can’t stop himself from leaning in to drown the sound with his lips. the kiss is soft, and smooth, and he knows just how cliche he’s being when he thinks of how it tastes like home.

“what was that for?” san asks, amused, tongue tracing over the lips wooyoung had been kissing just a moment before. wooyoung smiles softly, tightening his arms around san and hugging him like he never wants to let go (he really doesn’t).

wooyoung only shakes his head, laughing and pressing another kiss onto san’s lips, heart bursting because somehow san always knows just what to do to make wooyoung fall just a little bit harder.

“i love you, choi san,” wooyoung breathes, and it mixes into the present.

a single tear slips from his eye, slowly, a streak of sadness he can’t control, and he feels it make its way down his cheek and cling to his chin like it’s scared to let go. but it falls soon enough, and he feels it drip onto his thigh, a darkened spot forming in the expanse of his sweats’ gray material. another falls just beside it, and as he watches them bleed together, he thinks of the rain.

it’s been a year and eighteen days since that afternoon. two years and sixty-seven days since he realized he was in love with his best friend. fifty-one days since the morning san left for class and never got the chance to come back.

it hurts. of course it does. losing your best friend, the love of your life, the thing that makes you want to get up in the morning and  _ live _ . and wooyoung’s been broken by it, once already too many times.

because san  _ promised _ that he’d always be there _ . _ he made a promise, and then he broke it, and wooyoung thinks the phrase  _ forgive and forget  _ is bullshit because in order for him to forgive, in order for him to convince himself that it’s neither san’s nor wooyoung’s fault he has to  _ remember. _

but remembering makes it hurt more, and wooyoung doesn’t know if he can handle it anymore. he doesn’t know if he can handle knowing that he wasted all of his moments with san, wasted them being dumb and blissful and taking everything for granted. he wishes he had woken up in the morning and taken the time to  _ look _ at san, just look, to let the feeling of being in love with the most wonderful boy on the planet wash over him.

because now it’s tainted with sadness, with loss, and wooyoung knows he won’t ever be able to go back to how it felt before. to their stupid, young love, to the joy it brought them both, to having something to look forward to each day.

to happiness.

wooyoung stares out the window for another moment. his hand is shaking as it grips the wheel, and he watches as he trembles. he raises it to wipe the tears streaming down his cheeks and wonders how long it’ll be before he goes a day without crying.

_ i’d do anything to make you come back, _ he thinks, for the hundredth, thousandth, millionth time.  _ i’d do anything. _

he turns on the car and puts it in reverse.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is appreciated<3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/wonuwrld)


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